Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
