New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
