Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
