I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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