Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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