Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
