Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
