I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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