someone get that fucking seahorse.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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