Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You did what with his pubic hair?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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