I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All the doctor said was why
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
