If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
