terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
