Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
