so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
