That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
