so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
