$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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