This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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