I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
