i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
