"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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