please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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