Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
