Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
