I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
