This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
