No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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