Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
