she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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