Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you traded sex for a burrito?
is wine microwaveable?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
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