How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
