Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
