Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
