is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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