Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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