the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
