So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
