# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
