Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
