apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
