I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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