Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
