Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
