toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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