my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
