Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
