capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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