Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
