i barfeds in our rink
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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