Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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