I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
