you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize