I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
