take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
