i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
