How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
