Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
