evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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