I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
