I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
