it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
