How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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