sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
