i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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