he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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